A is for Ask

Often when we think of self-care, immediate thoughts of ‘self-centered’,‘selfish’, and ‘self-absorbed’ come to mind. Asking feels a littlecounter-intuitive to self-care – isn’t the point to listen to my own innervoice and what I need?

I’d like to suggest that we begin our holistic self-carejourney with “ASK.”

Body: Ask your body what’sdoable

When we begin a self-care routine, we usually think – let’sget active and eat right. We make plans, set goals, and jump in with our wholehearts and good intentions.

This month, I encourage you to ask your body questions:

In general: What makes you feel good? What do you need – from food, from activity, from rest?

In eating: Why are you craving this food? How is this food making you feel? Is this food energizing you? Which foods give you energy?

In action: What are you capable of? What will make you feel good? How far can you be pushed? Do you enjoy this exercise? Would you prefer another?  

In rest: Do you get enough rest? Do you need something different – a new pillow, mattress, room? Do you need anything to help you get more rest – less tv, less computer, more exercise, different exercise, more or less alcohol or sugar?

Don’t judge – just ask.

Mind: Ask questions –stay curious

Self-care of the mind is two-fold.

Fold one: Staycurious.

Ask questions about the world. Why are things this way? Digdeeper. How did we get here? How does this work? About science, mechanics,nature, psychology. We have so much more to learn. Let’s become like thecurious toddler who never stops asking “Why?” and “What’s that?”

Fold two:Challenge assumptions.

In a world when so many are stuck in their own opinions -with political and religious divisiveness increasing rather than decreasing, doyou try to listen from the other side? Do you hear the ‘why’ behind others’ beliefs?

Asking ‘why’ might help us keep our hubris and hatred (maybea strong word – perhaps ‘anger’ or ‘frustration’) in check. Intellectual understandingcan perhaps lead to compassionate response.

I’m not suggesting you compromise your beliefs. You have theright – and the obligation – to live by your beliefs. By challenging our assumptions,we can better own our beliefs with confidence and not feel threatened by someelse’s point of view.

Spirit: Ask for support

For support:

So often, in our attempts to be strong we hide our fears,feelings, and frustrations. We try to go it alone, not wanting to bother othersor to appear weak.

But a big part of self-care – especially care of ourspirit – is to seek the support we need from those we love.

Does this mean you need to ask your significant other toremind you of your efforts? To give you the time you need? To take on a taskfor you?

For insight:

What is your deepest desire?

We cannot truly embrace self-care until we know what wedesire from our lives – from our relationships – from our careers or retirement?

Will you begin your self-care asking questions? Does this process feel strange? Which "ASK" feels most challenging to your self-care process?